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How to Make Gay Friends and Meet women: the greatest self-help guide to Successful Queer Socializing | Autostraddle

Y’all involve some problems satisfying gay men and women. We all know this simply because so long as we’ve had homogay ‘internet presences’ you have been asking united states steps to make queer friends/meet ladies. We Have Now
answered you, sporadically

But evidently perhaps not periodically sufficient:

Although Laneia is actually certain she’s the sole lesbian in Phoenix (I’m positive this is not thus, some one please straight back me personally up inside the statements), most of us here on Team Autostraddle have a fairly healthier posse of queer buddies. Or perhaps it would appear that way when we assemble for homogay events/marches/parties/prides tri-annually.

We feel totally fortunate with this and therefore we’ve chose to enlist the soldiers and answer fully the question “how would we meet different queers?” once and for all.


+ If you’re looking for a response into question “How can I hit on chicks?”, we’ve got an article regarding:

How exactly to Pick Up Girls


+ Asking yourself “How do I date a chick?” We’ve got an article for the:

10 Easy Procedures For Correctly Courting a Lesbian


+ Curious about the way to get a woman to sleep over? Coincidentally, there is articles regarding, also:

8 Tips Every woman takes getting a Girl to fall asleep Over


+ enthusiastic about revealing a unique treat with your special brand new friend/’special’ friend?

Top 10 Cookies


Isn’t it time? Let’s begin.



: GET WORK! No actually. Go get a job. It doesn’t need getting
a gay job
. Though I had those. Tasks inside the Straight community are usually teeming with undercover gays. If you notice a printer jam, wait approx 2 mins and a lot of probably a gay woman will arrive to fix. In my view, typical ol’ tasks are usually a locations to meet various other homosexual ladies, whether for friendsies, why not check here for fwb with femme2012, or future lover content. If there are slimmer pickins’ at Your work, all the much better.

Fit for a Femme

: spend time in which your buddies function, if appropriate. Someone I’m sure just came across a fairly thing to nibble on that way not too long ago.


: If
the work colleagues realize you’re a homogay
, they nearly positively attempt to familiarizes you with or set you up using their homosexual cousin/sister/bff/roommate/etc.

Shows for Queer Musicians



I have found many my personal queer buddies at
. Gay women are relatively seriously interested in supporting their own neighborhood homosexual musicians, so go discover certain shows. If for example the area has an all-female musical organization subsequently that is good starting point, their own concerts will be full of potential queer buddies. I usually believe it is easiest in order to make pals because of the artists themselves because you actually have an excuse to strike upwards a conversation using them: to tell all of them you enjoyed their own show. Inquire further when they’re playing subsequent, and go to that one also. Just hold participating.

Join any Club/Team Which Will

Have you ever as an associate

Intern Hot Laura


Are you experiencing a

bike co-op

in your area? We gamble you do, and that I bet you can find a bunch of adorable girls playing around with bike oil to their noses. Even though you you shouldn’t meet anybody, you get to discover ways to create a motorcycle and that is a lot like carrying around a lighter in the event a lovely lady requests for lighting just better because you get to come their their rescue and correct their broken tire.


: Join a

guide pub


writing party


Do-it-yourself picture taking working area

– actually, DIY everything would work.


Go directly to the

roller derby

Every one of the queer women are at the roller derby. These. Roller derby is wall-to-wall lesbians and I’ve seen countless girls strike upwards new relationships while you’re watching a casino game. It really is rather easy to-do as if there’s one thing that roller derby fans like, it’s discussing their own familiarity with the game with newbies. So if there’s a team in your city, get see all of them perform. Saddle upwards beside several pretty ladies inside committing suicide chairs (in which the serious enthusiasts stay) and ask these to give an explanation for rules for you. In my opinion might earn some new friends immediately.

On the Internet

We’ve got mentioned the net several times because easiest way in order to satisfy different gays. Clearly this is actually the internet, so we’re biased, but we’ve found nearly all of all of our buddies below, or via Riese’s previous blog sites (this is where a good many team arises from — visitors of her weblog and the buddies she met through those people, etc).
We notice OKCupid is actually something
, also.

Intern Emily


Discover some one on autostraddle who life in your area. Provide them with the email. Decide on a walk. Walks are free.


: it may be various now, but back when I happened to be a child (23) we taken care of immediately an ad on craigslist w4w by a girl just who stated she was actually bi, went along to Columbia, played soccer, enjoyed ‘420′ and wanted different bi girls commit out with and stay buddies and brave the terrifying queer world with each other. Initially we came across it absolutely was absurdly awkward nonetheless it got increasingly much better entirely to “more comfortable than i will be with any person, really.” We’ve been through a ton together — numerous existence phases! — therefore we’re nonetheless pals now, and it’s really through the woman intrepid web friend-gathering that we found Lainy, whom met my
now-best-friend Haviland
on friendster right after which welcomed this lady to something I became also at, which will be how I came across Haviland. So! The purpose of this will be:
craigslist could possibly be something
? The secret to it being non-intimidating ended up being that people both earnestly wanted brand-new buddies, yannow?


: discover a queer girl just who writes a weblog with lots of feelings and deliver her e-mails about your emotions. Browse publications. When the queer woman with a blog begins an on-line mag, assist the lady. Accost men and women on gchat. If the queer woman with a blog provides events and introduces one her buddies, be really nice in their eyes and state things together with your mouth and sight. If one of them is very cool, create all of them an email and become their own friend. Be really truthful and just take plenty of anti-anxiety medication. Do not get an alternate way of living haircut until you genuinely wish to. Purchase one or more v-neck. Smile.

Intern Emily

Start a blog
. Write in it for 2 many years. Get a 3-day hiatus following ask for people in your own city to email you.


Start a blog
generate a webpage
after which hire visitors to become your friends free-of-charge.


Put “queer-friendly” or “LGBT friendly” in your craigslist article as well as the girls may come a-runnin’, with plenty of homosexual buddies of one’s own in tow. You kill like 40 wild birds with one stone and certainly will pay attention to Tegan & Sara



In A Ladies Studies/Gender Reports Course

You can examine away this index of
LGBT/Queer Studies programs
at colleges everywhere in the nation! You also should participate in class. Girls who participate include hottest.



Ladies scientific studies classes are a good location to fulfill ladies: every person’s virtually a feminist already to have brainsexy discussions, that are perfect for continuing in taverns after course. Watch yourself with those hot profs, however.

At your LGBT Campus Group in university or senior high school

This is Taylor’s NYU LGBT Group


: In school, before I found myself extremely out or strongly recognized, we began nervously participating in many occasions held by our very own school’s LGBT workplace. Quickly onward per year and that I was running on-campus queer classes each week, and I also’d scored a vast posse of passionate forward-thinking activist gays, similar to that! Before we worked for the LGBT workplace we thought awesome shy at queer activities, therefore if your own college has an energetic LGBT company, thinking about signing up or using and diving inside. The LGBT workplace turned into the second house, that has been great for between-class naps and conference hotties, obviously.

Intern Emily

: Go to your class’s queer nightclub. It will likely be uncomfortable. You might carry on a lunch go out with a cute girl who brings her girl. You will make some pals though.

Gay Bars and Gay Events!

Obviously this could be an overwhelming scenario, but plenty of getting-to-know-other-girls at these taverns don’t occur with one preliminary awkward visit. You have to return back. And get back. And go-back. And finally you should have no option but feeling comfortable indeed there, because it’s a place you go a large number. Subsequently perchance you will communicate with visitors or get 25 visitors to kiss you for the 25th birthday. It really is anything, you can preserve rating on your supply with a pen. If you live in nyc,
GO Magazine has the many extensive, up-to-date bar/event lists

Intern Emily

: Go to a gay club. Get actually drunk and speak to everybody else.


When you’re during the homosexual bar or lesbian night, you’ll imagine views like ‘nobody right here really wants to speak to me’ or ‘everyone here has actually a girlfriend’ or ‘why are lesbians therefore daunting’ therefore must reduce all those feelings and protect them with a fresh experience and this brand-new experience is actually ‘whatis the worst thing that will happen, we’ll get declined?’ and that I KNOW I UNDERSTAND I’M SURE that seems petrifying, like being refused is the worst thing might actually ever happen to you as a person staying. But it’s really not — your own confidence is sexier than your dress is ever going to end up being, and girls are very strange and now have countless issues/reasons to possibly deny you that you can not get any one getting rejected personally. Merely make visual communication. Say hi. It doesn’t need to be intimate. Imagine yourself inside her footwear and think about how you’d wish their to approach you.


: do not a scaredy cat! Go to a bar/club/show by yourself. In reality, this is the way I came across my spouse 5.68 years ago.

Some General Recommendations


Sarah Croce

: I had previously been shy. My personal solution? Grow some. Figure out what rocks ! about you and confidently hit right up conversations with haphazard individuals. They don’t really have to be gay. Often you’ll find most ladies tend to be bi, or interesting, or have actually homosexual pals. Straight people love to tell you they have homosexual pals as well as constantly believe you really need to hook up together with them like there is some sort of gay drought plus in purchase to flourish and save your self the lesbian race most of us want to mate feverishly. It’s like they don’t know we can not procreate. And constantly ask just how lesbians have sex.


Begin Smaller, Acquire a Lesbian Posse:

Jess R

: Create your very own Lesbian Posse. You simply require 1 or 2 additional gay buddies to begin – let them know to invite some other queers they know (if you don’t have some other homosexual friends – they do!) and approach small events for yourselves like supper at a condo, motion picture night, bowling night, ski/hiking tour, etc. Make it a regular thing so you will have something to look ahead to so when the months pass the lesbian phone tree will grow lengthier and lengthier and after a few several months you’ll have your very own Lesbian Posse.


End Up Being Brave:

Intern Emily

: Unfortunately, fulfilling new-people implies you should be fearless and method them and keep in touch with them in order to find items to mention and fork out a lot of time obsessing as to what to wear, etc. It is plenty of social anxiousness therefore might want to require some products for this, additionally, you feel good after.


Be Antique and Venture Outside Your Own Comfort Zone:


: Get away from your comfort zone. I notice many girls complaining about how it really is all the same people, alike girls, wah-wah-wah. Drive to a nearby town, take that train underwater, bike it, bus it, but try not to be prepared to satisfy brand-new, interesting girls by doing similar shit which hasn’t struggled to obtain to date.

In addition, end up being traditional. Pretend there’s really no net please remember just what it’s want to be polite and gracious and authentic IRL, and expand actual invitations and cultivate genuine lasting relationships. It is easy for points to drop through the cracks with internet-based contacts; they should be nurtured for reals. Becoming conventional reminds all of us a small amount of what it takes to keep the types of connections we want!


Gays tend to be every where:


: Remember in

The Wizard of Oz

where Dorothy understands that just what she wanted was in her backyard/home/heart the complete time? You are a gay person, therefore always do things/go places. Chances are high various other gay folks also enjoy these things/places and are generally probably already there! Look around your own job/library/capoeira class/favorite coffeeshop/yarn store/whatever and probably there are queer people here. Like truly, if there are many than 10 folks in this building its mathematically very possible that might be somebody else there who is in addition a massive gaymo. You just need to be brave and communicate with individuals and never be shy about becoming gay yourself; they will certainly likely be extremely relieved and answer in sort.


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